inspiration

"The worst mistake that you can make is to think you're alive when really you're asleep in life's waiting room. "

-Guy Forsyth (Waking Life)

I feel like I may quite possibly be asleep in life's waiting room. My dreams seem more real than my waking life at times...and more interesting, for that matter. When I'm stuck down in this hospital basement with no windows and a very faint-sounding stereo system, I start to feel very trapped. I feel suffocated, almost like I'm stuck in a jail cell...or worse...solitary confinement. Except, I have to wake from my voracious stupor every now and then to ring up a bagel or a muffin for a customer. I swear the customers here could be zombies. They sort of lumber up to my kiosk and take 20 minutes to look around and decipher what could possibly be on that bagel (or is it even a bagel? round dough with a hole in it? is it a muffin? i don't know). And then they ignore my greeting of "Hello" or "Hey! A living (or not) being!" Imagine my incredulous look when I actually see something moving around in this solitary jail cell.

But then the zombies go off and eat their cheap carbs and saturated fat and go off to figure out how to lose the weight they seem to keep putting on. Maybe it's because they choose the elevator over the stairs every time. Or maybe it's because, instead of getting a bottle of water, they decide to get a bagel with cream cheese AND a muffin AND a regular soda...AND...the list goes on. But it doesn't help me make any money here, so what do I care?

And I can't seem to shake buying an iced tea from Starbucks before I come to work, just to help me "get through the day." Today I have a fancy pink tea with lemonade in it. Makes me feel a little more chipper just to see the pink color. If I look up and to the left, I can just barely make out a window. I can see the grey, cloudy skies. But I would rather be out in the rain than stuck under fluorescent lights, looking at cheap snack food while my ass goes raw from sitting all day on a wooden stool.

I'm still reeling from the rejection letter I received in the mail over the weekend..."not accepted for the position. Thank you for applying." Bullshit. What a waste of a month preparing for interviews. The sad part is that I actually thought I might have a ticket out of this cafe/kiosk hellhole soon...but, alas, I seem to be stuck, with no end in sight. I can only hope my sarcasm and cynicism can help me through these tough times. The kiosk barista, in the basement with zombies.