".. it's gonna be the age of humankind, standing up for something PURE and something RIGHT! What a bunch of garbage, liberal, Democratic, conservative, Republican, it's all there to control you, two sides of the same coin! Two management teams, bidding for control of the CEO job of Slavery Incorporated! The TRUTH is out there in front of you, but they lay out this buffet of LIES! I'm SICK of it, and I'M NOT GONNA TAKE A BITE OUT OF IT! DO YA GOT ME? Resistance is NOT futile, we're gonna win this thing, humankind is too good, WE'RE NOT A BUNCH OF UNDERACHIEVERS, WE'RE GONNA STAND UP, AND WE'RE GONNA BE HUMAN BEINGS! WE'RE GONNA GET FIRED UP ABOUT THE REAL THINGS, THE THINGS THAT MATTER - CREATIVITY, AND THE *DYNAMIC* *HUMAN* *SPIRIT* THAT REFUSES TO *SUBMIT*! WELL THAT'S IT, that's all I've got to say. It's in your court now."
-Alex Jones (Waking Life)
Back in the kiosk today. Sometimes I need to read quotes like this to stir my soul up...to stir something up. I get so tired of all this boredom. I know some people say boredom is a choice, that maybe I'm just choosing to be bored. But sometimes, ending your boredom comes with changing your surroundings. And when you're stuck in one place, it's a little hard to make it interesting every single day, especially when it's more of a solitary existence...I have no coworkers for silly banter. I think I'm gaining weight from just sitting here. Alright, enough of that. Nothing I can do to change it unless I quit, which really is a distinct possibility at this point.
The weather is changing and getting warmer and prettier. I can barely see the sun coloring the sky from the corner of the window that's visible from my little kingdom down here. When it gets nice out, I always want to quit my job and laze around outside in the grass or in my apartment with the windows open.
I'm so tired of everything being a competition. A competition to get a job, a competition to keep it, a competition to rent an apartment. There are too many people in the world and it's showing in so many ways. I feel like life is such a struggle, especially if you don't have enough money. That's the biggest thing. This stupid thing called money. It's just paper anyway and if we run out of food tomorrow, nobody will care about money anymore. Ultimately, people care about their basic needs being met. And I honestly feel like running out of food is a very real possibility in the next few years or decades.
What would I do right now if I could just take off for awhile? I would eat healthier. I would take the time to cut up fresh vegetables for a salad. I would take time to cook with the windows open and some instrumental music on my computer. I would spend more time with my boyfriend away from computer screens. We would go for more walks, take our time waking up in the morning, have more sex.
Everyone is working to put food on the table, but are we really just missing out on our lives? How much time am I wasting in this job? I could be in school, I could be learning, I could be spending more time with family. But I need money, we all do. But how much? A part of me really yearns to go back to school. But when I was in school, was it just a drag? I can't really remember. But, more and more, I'm realizing that I actually might need to go back to school to really get back into my original field. But maybe I want to work in environmental science. I just know I want more than this. I want something REAL. I want to feel like I am actually DOING something...that I am CONTRIBUTING and enjoying myself too. I am tired of life being a drag. It doesn't have to be like this.
No comments:
Post a Comment